Meanwhile, Let’s See What Jim Caviezel is Up To and OH MY GOD.

Sunday, Luiz Inácio Lula da Silva, better known simply as Lula, won another term as O Presidente of Brazil. Now, this was actually a little surprising to the Anglocentric world, as most seem to have predicted him a goner. And good surprising, I might add; for all his faults, the 81-year-old is not a fascist. But this is not the resurrection-guy I actually want to talk about, even if Brazilian politics led me to discover his most recent effort:

Oh Jimbo Christ, Rosewort of Sharon, Lion of the Jew-hating. You probably needed to shore things up financially since getting booted from parts 2 and 3 of the JHC trilogy. But surely there were better roles out there than the former Brazilian wannabe dictator who also happens to be our wannabe dictator’s BFF. Whilst practically unknown elsewhere – despite being filmed entirely in English – the film has gotten some attention in Brazil due to chip off the ol’ block Flavio Bolsonaro being the far-right candidate opposing Lula in this most recent election. The film is obviously propanganda, and, in keeping with the governing rules of the Latin American right-wing, was produced with the optimum amount of corruption.

But for me, the real significance is that JC is in it. You see, Jimmy used to be a fairly credible actor. Frequency is a gem, a lot of you like that Person of Interest series, and while annoying to admit, Passion was a big deal and Jimmy committed to the bit by going through literal sheol, including (probably) getting hit by lightning. But then began his gradual slide into right-wing nonsense, letting Mel’s stupid (if real) warning about never working in Hollywood again become a self-perpetuating philosophy. Any difficulty he had was not because he played Jesus (cf. Willem Dafoe), but more likely because he caught Christian Persecution Complex (CPC) and became annyoing to work with.  And even that not stop him from being in legitimate things like Interest. Yet his transformation into the Michael Bay version of Kirk Cameron has accelerated with such rightwing slop as Infidel (2019), Sound of Freedom (2023) and now this gem. It is a natural fit for Caviezel, an Evangelical’s Catholic, to play a politician who ran on being the same.

Obviously we have not seen it, but given that its subject is probably dying in a hospital again and his son is on the run, we are now sorely tempted to. Sadly, the film does not seem related to the corruption alleged in the current criminal case against Flavio, because that would be fitting.

Let the Schisms Continue

Once upon a time, some time ago, in different times, non-Evangelical Protestants were eager to come to together and sing Kum-bay-yah, doctrinal differences be damned. That’s how we got the UNITEDs (TM) – United Methodists, United Church of America Jr. (Canada), United Church of Christ and Christian Christians, etc. etc. Sometimes it made sense to pool resources and sometimes they merged to satisfy certain governments that were unsettled by all these unsanctioned denominables. But whatever the practical reasons, this was all justified in moral, theological terms: As the triune God is a unity of diversity, so should Christians be. The small doctrinal differences were not important enough to fight about. Heck, the average Protestant wouldn’t know a lick of difference between Presbyterian and Methodist anyway. 

But in keeping with modern politics, unionism has lost its appeal these days. Recent years saw the break-up of the UMC into the UMC and not-UMC (the Global Methodist Church) over support for same-sex marriage. More recently, the Anglican Communion has started unraveling at a heightened pace. The beginnings of schism can be traced back to the founding of the Global Anglican Future Conference (GAFCON) in 2008 over – surprise, surprise – sexuality. GAFCON became a semi-official alternative to the four “Instruments of Communion” that united worldwide Anglicanism (incl. Episcopalians). The more recent – and boldest – rejection was that of authority of the Archbishop of Canterbury.

And now the Arch happens is woman (yay!) named Sarah Mullaly. This was somehow the final straw, not simply because she is an ally, but because “global” Anglicans apparently still prefer a male-only episcopate. For instance, see this Facebook comment from one of our listeners in Nigeria. So shortly after this great atrocity, the GAFCOM boys decided to give Christendom a true October surprise, announcing its intent to completely reorder the Anglican Communion away from “reformist agendas.” Ready to Harvest has a pretty good explainer on the current state of play.

One of the more regrettable similarities between the Methodist and Anglican defectors is that that the “global” moniker is not entirely wrong, since the energy behind these recent schisms is in the so-called “Global South.” Even as they rightfully bend the arc (of the  Covenant) of history toward justice, progressive Christians must respect the the fact that their developing-world co-denominationalists will take a bit longer to get there. And they should be given break, given well all that [gestures in colonialism].

Fortunately, these schisms may not be all that big of a deal. Reactionary church politics are not a foregone conclusion in Africa, where ENS found some supportive voices admid the misandric loudmouths. And one polity expert believes the GAFCON statement is “wishful thinking” on the part of GAFCON leadership and misrepresents the diversity of opinions that may be found among and within GAFCON-friendly congregations; not all will so keen to split off.

To use a metaphor-cum-pub-trivia-answer, these splinter-groups are like LIV Golf. They are potent threats funded or encouraged rich assholes, but may not have the staying-power to usurp the PGA. Or maybe they will, given the rapid decline of Mainline Christianity in the developed world. Stupid times are definitely ahead.

Cool Pope Exists, and He is American

Have you heard the news? Of course you have. There’s a new Pope in town. You will recall that Old Pope died shortly after meeting J.D. Vance, no doubt to insult him one last time.  On May 8th, a majority of Cardinals in Rome decided to screw the smokey-eyed über-convert once again, electing Bob Prevost – yes, that Bob Prevost – New Pope. When I wrote my last tome on this subject of ordo amoris, I very nearly included some Twitter commentary from the newly-minted Leo XIV.

The old tweets are gone, but they can never be forgotten. As surprising as an American Pope is, we are skeptical that this “Trump effect” thing has been as determinative of international politics as people think. Still, the Cardinals would surely have known what Bobby was about. One cannot help but wonder whether the cringeworthy idea of an Orange Pope  pushed a majority of them to say “f-k it” and elevate another American to this arguably higher, more influential global position. Sure, the Holy See does not have any nukes (yet), but 2 billion is a lot more than the 77 million who voted for Chief MAGAt.  

Even as the new Pope smell fades, we continue to laugh our asses off at butthurt rightwing Catholics, such as this dingbat. Over the past ten days things have settled a bit as these kooks look for hopeful signs, such as rumors of Leo’s detente with conservative bishops, rigorous social media investigations (see here and here and…), and fawning over his Floridian brother. Oh wait, never mind that. As this Vanity Fair piece explains, all indications are that Leo will continue to follow in Francis’ footsteps, regardless of whatever straws Copus Dei tries to grasp.

Last Sunday the Holy Father hinted at this continuity in his Inaugural Mass. His cosmopolitan message discouraged small-minded nativism in favor of unity and love, making sure to lift up Gaza and Ukraine (and of course, Cool Pope met Cool President that same day).

We should never fall into the trap of viewing Catholic leadership through a politically partisan lens (the Holy See isn’t the Supreme Court, people), but it’s safe to say the reactionary fever dream of rightwing Catholics will not come to pass.

 

MAGAts Conveniently Ignore the “Christ” Part of Christianity.

The newly minted – and increasingly irrelevant – US Vice President, James David Vance, recently tried to rewrite Christian ethics in order to justify not helping people. He always likes to interject cherry-picked Christianisms into his ideological preferences, particularly his need to secure his own hierarchical position at the top of the caucasian trash heap while also keeping the nonwhites out of his proximity. Recently he claimed on Fox (“News”) that “America First” is supported by the “very Christian concept” of prioritizing families and communities over those further away from us in proximity, language, skin color, gender, etc. etc.

When the bearded Yalian was called out for it by an actual Yale professor, Rory Stewart, Vance deemed the latter “low IQ” and name-dropped St. Tommy A. and his “order of love” (ordo amoris) on state-run media (X/Twitter). We certainly can’t ignore the Summa and it’s bleedingly obvious points about the real limits of empathy and love. Yes, I am certainly going to care more about my own offspring, legitimate or otherwise, rather than your stupid brat, who I can only assume is watching millenial white guys play Minecraft on Youtube right now.

But like many Catholic converts and college sophomores, to defend his ideology Vance has to conveniently ignore what Jesus Christ himself actually preached, which inverted our social priorities. Remember the Beatitudes? Remember Matthew 25:40-45? “Whatever you did for the least of these…” blah blah blah? Seems pretty important to me! We are clearly meant to be better than our material and empathic limits. Christ deemphasizes our social, familial, and material needs: We don’t need much before we can start spreading the Love around (see Luke 9) and he was highly in favor of us telling our biological families to “screw off” (Luke 18:29; Matt. 19:29) and embracing our spiritual families (Matt. 12:46-50). That was a huge departure from ancient norms, and even today it’s not a luxury most of us have (as much as we would want to). But JC wasn’t talking about reasonableness, Thomistic or otherwise. He was talking about the possibility of universal love and the greater selflessness and abundant giving it entails. The true Christian life pushes against the limits of self-interest and myopic empathy.

No less than the Pope himself found it necessary to call Vance out on this matter. In a letter to U.S. bishops, he said that Christian love must be guided by divine law universal human dignity, as seen in the parable of the Good Samaritan. Sure, priorities and laws exist, but he says we must always meditate “on the love that builds a fraternity of all, without exception.” Obviously, the GOPers did not like him saying, with some having the gall to try and “school” the supreme pontiff. Hit dogs will indeed hollar!

Unlike JC, JD and his ilk have apparently decided that such ideals are too hard and should take a backseat to narrow-minded tribalism. In that case, why bother with being Christian at all? In fact, we should probably just admit that these people are not actually Christian. Stewart claims Vance is appealing to some pre-Christian pagan ethics, but even that’s not entirely accurate! Pagan societies still praised the virtue of hospitality; neighbors and strangers were to be welcomed. The barbaroi were barbaroi only because they did not buy into civilized life and obey the rules of hospitality.

But Vance and his ilk don’t seem to want to give the stranger – the immigrant, the refugee, the marginalized – even this condescending opportunity. These “Christian” nationalists are really tribalists following the zero-sum theology of a Darwinian god. They prioritize the survival of their own inbred bloodlines at the expense of others. Ironically, this undercuts Evangelical missiology, which used to be a bigger thing among the Christian right. As problematic as the now “old-school” evangelicals are, they still feel a moral imperative to reach out to the suffering stranger. That’s a lot better than whatever religion the MAGAts are peddling.

 

Your Week in Religion: Here We Go Again!

Hello again Dear Readers, by which we mean the ones who mistakenly happen upon our website looking for porn. We last left you in 2023, when our very venerable Ms. Kwan gave us a briefing on the Lunar New Year Wars (no, we are not going to link to it – it was the preceding post, you lazy bums!). We are happy to report that those conflicts continue in the Year of the Snake (Satan). And we also plan to write about a few more transcendental things before quickly disappearing again into the aether.

After all, there are a great many things going on at the moment, much of them involving religion. The Orange Jesus is back, restored to prominance by Christian nationalists, natalists, and fascist techno-bros and their cryptology currencies. Oh, and a few more Muslims voted for him this round around, because that somehow made sense for them at the time. Don’t worry, we won’t make too much fun of that until we get an Islamo-religionist on staff.

But a what a first week, amirite?! Lots of confusing shenigans, but fortunately some folks found some sensible courage. No, not Democrats. Hahahaha. We’re talking about progressive Christians, at least one of which showed some meaningful spine. 

Will this courage remain? Will the onslaught of stupidity make Make Mainline Christians Great Again? It’s going to be hard. The other side has warriors too – stronge ALPHA-MEN, many of whom are not afraid to defy their own shameless liberal denominations such as…[checks notes]…the ACC.

We don’t have the highest hopes but will be watching for any hints of militant mercy and inclusivity. And maybe we’ll actually stick around this time. Maybe religionists will give us new and interesting things to make fun of them about, you know, beyond simply being religious (which has gotten so, so trite). Buckle up, spiritual people!

 

Begun, the Lunar New Year Wars Have

Well, we’ve come to the end of the Chinese Lunar New Year season, a time of heartwarming traditions. As a young girl I always looked forward to getting red packets, having dinner with dad’s family, getting red packets, having dinner with mom’s side, getting red packets, etc. It’s far less fun when you’re a married adult and have to do the cooking and giving money and such, but I became a nun to avoid all that. You’ve also got your fireworks, dragon dances, and – if you’re a Mainlander – CCTV’s regular New Year’s Eve Gala cum minstrel show. 

This year’s festivities were an especially welcome sign that this stupid pandemic is finally over nobody cares about covid anymore, with the Reds finally throwing in the towel. But we seem to have added a new tradition to LNY – online nationist bickering! Let’s see what happened when Disneyland tried to celebrate the occassion, shall we?:

Mercy me! Cultural appropriation indeed! Or maybe it’s unappropriation in this case? Anyway, how dare they use generic astronomical language to describe a date based on an astronomical event! Oh, but Disney wasn’t the worst offender, no no. The British Museum had the gall to call it Korean New Year. It doesn’t matter that it related specifically to a Korean-themed event. Call it by it’s proper name! And what is that proper name, you ask? Let ’em hear it, dear sir:

Oh…er…take that, then! It’s Spring Festival you sinophobes! Don’t like that the Chinese declare the start of spring when it’s still cold as the coldest Buddhist hell? Well, deal with it!

But in all seriousness, this is a very stupid controversy. I mean, the Dragon Boat thing is silly fun, but here we have a culture trying to lay claim to the lunar cycle. Yes, its true that the Chinese, developed the calendar and probably pioneered the whole festival thing – that’s the case for a lot of East Asian culture. But other countries and culures have put their own spin on it. We don’t call it “Greek” or “Roman Christmas,” do we?

I guess since the Chinese are still around (unlike ancient Rome) and can push their weight around (LOL Greece) that gives them more saying power. But the funny thing is that not even the CCP cares enough to wolf warrior this crap and call it “Chinese New Year”; the nitpicking is almost all completely online. 

That probably means we can ignore the whole thing as a limited movement of superpatriots and tankies, quite of few of whom may actually be bots. Still, it bears repeating: nationalism over festivals is stupid. 

 

Whatever Happened with that NY Hasidic School Controversy?

You might recall that, back in September, Orthodox Twitter had been up in arms about a recent New York Times article on the poor academic performance of Hasidic yeshivot. Among other things, G-d-awful test scores were highlighted:

Credit: NY Times

And as many pointed out, other Jewish schools fared little better, supporting the well-tested theory that religious education in general quite simply sucks. It would be unfair to single out the Hasidim for what is systemic problem in US education. It’s also somewhat understandable that the community would be a bit sensitive given the heightened negative attention on them in recent years, especially on TV. There’s certainly more nuance to Orthodox Judaism than what you see in Unorthodox or My Unorthodox Life. The gender norms suck and the fashion is terrible, but embracing such religious traditions are – for better or worse – the choices of consenting adults (we hope). However, the Times investigation fundamentally deals with the well-being of children, who have little freedom to choose.  

Say what you will about the tone of the original piece, the evidence it lays out is convincing. The clear lack of knowledge and skills in the secular sciences is absolutely damning; Hasidic children are not being given the skills they need to thrive in the modern world. But it also reveals a policy problem: the state government has to enforce higher standards, but it is politically difficult for NY politicians to do so given the importance of the Hasidic community’s vote.

It’s been four months, so let’s check back in with the whole controversy. Did tensions cool? LOL no. The NY Times investigation (rightfully) continues, having now uncovered possibly fraudulant use of state special eduction funds. This is now the subject of a Federal investigation, though notably not a state one.

Naturally, some Hasidim continue to react with about as much composure as you would expect of the super religious, having put up Three Billboards Outside Upper Lower Manhattan, NY complaining about the newspaper. We get it! It’s fun to rag on the Times these days, especially with their god-awful political “bothsidesisms” an excrutiating opinion pieces. But they’re hardly being anti-Semitic in investigating how these communities are potentially breaking the law and failing their youth, are they?

Some may make the argument that not learning science and math is simply a part of Haredi tradition that should be respected. However, it is not a violation of religious freedom to ensure the youth are given the skills they need to thrive in modern society, and – better yet – contribute to said society.

Part of the issue is that the idea of an exclusive, non-modern religious community in the middle of a big city is quite silly, when you think about it (the Amish get away with their collective ignorance because they live in the boonies). The fact is that unskilled male theologians, put-upon wives, and dumb children cannot survive in New York City (or London, or Jerusalem, etc.) without massive special treatment and corruption. I know this because I am also an unskilled male theologian living in a city.

NY politicians should expect Hasidic communities to give something back besides votes, which means the children need to be learning something besides the damn Torah or Home Ec. But more fundamentally, it’s unfair for their kids to not have access to the same subpar math and science education as gentiles. Even if it isn’t part of Hasidic tradition, not offering it deprives them of the freedom to make their own choices later in life, including the choice of whether to leave their closed religious community.

Lunar 2021 Was a Bad Year for Chinese Statues

Unless you’ve been living under a rock for the past 20 years, you’re probably aware that China has a thing for building huge and/or tall things. The skyscrapers have gotten the most attention, but did you know there had also been a massive boom in statuary? The Buddha (in the myriad forms) is the most popular choice, in keeping with the country’s resiliant Buddhist heritage, though the trend has certainly pushed the boundaries of good taste/spending. But all of the usual Chinese suspects are represented: Kum Yam, Tin Hau/Mazu, Guan Yu, etc. And of course, you’ve got the old guard resurrecting Mao here and there

Many are built with the money and initiate of local and business leaders. Unfortunately, they don’t always get all their Peking Ducks in a row (please laugh); if the eyesores generate too much negative press, the State has to step in and rectify matters. I give you exhibit B:

Just FYI, “didn’t get government approval” usually means “it no longer has approval.” The latest deity to run afoul of regulations is Guan Di, aka Guan Yu, famed Chinese God of War and Dynasty Warriors main. You can find him pretty much everywhere in Greater China. He oversees most small businesses in Hong Kong, his fierce visage apparently a better guarantor of success and prosperity than even the God of Wealth. Heck, he is venerated by both law enforcement and criminals. He is super popualr, and the good folks of Jingzhou, Hubei just wanted to give him his due five years ago with this gloriousness: 

chinese warrior god Guan Yu
Photo: Handout, Source: SCMP

Tragically, it was too awesome for many to handle, so last fall they began the government-ordered multi-million dollar process of disassembling and relocating it.

Relocation project of the controversial giant bronze statue of Guan Gong (or Guan Yu) in Jingzhou, Central China's Hubei Province, has been launched in September 2021. Photo: VCG
Photo: VCG, Source: Global Times (unfortunately)

But Lord Guan is lucky to have somewhere else to go to. The fate of other Chinese statues in the Year of the Ox 2021 was much more ambiguous. A different sort of politics led to the dismantling of the “Pillar of Shame” in Hong Kong. It was a bit grisly for my delicate tastes, but it was nonetheless an important symbol of the freedoms the city once possessed:

Image
Photo: Moi

Other symbols were taken down the very next day, and now sit in legal limbo in shipping containers somewhere. My beloved Hong Kong has born the brunt of the CCP’s wrath this past year, but other regions have suffered too. Mosques and cemetaries (and people) are disappearing in Xinjiang, and the authorities are allegedly dismantling Tibetan Buddhist statues in Sichuan as well. 

So it’s been a bad year for statuary and other forms 3D expression in the Chinese world. The stated reasons for demolition/removal vary – poor taste, cost, horizonal obstruction, etc. – but they all imply an increasing trend of ideological  control and micromanagement in the PRC. It’s truly sad, because a vibrant religious and political culture is being eroded, both literally and figuratively. If we cannot celebrate our deities with maximalist gusto, then we abdicate our precious soft power to Japanese gaming.

Cool Pope Steps in It

If he’s not ticking off conservatives, he’s ticking off woke liberals. In a recent sermon on St. Joseph, our dear Pontifex said that not wanting kids was selfish.  He even went so far as to include “humor,” deriding those who use pets as surrogate children.

True, it is selfish. The Lord explicitly asks us to get busy (Gen 1.28) and developed nations are today facing severely low birth rates. Western Catholics are not producing enough children to overcome millenial ennui and disillusionment with the Faith (Thank heaves for the rest of the world). Have we become too adept at the ol’ “rhythm method?” Or have we been breaking natural law with latex? Either way, the Pope is right to be concerned about demographics. 

However, I think we need to accept that parenthood is simply not for everyone (see: my family). Career-minded Catholics ought to be able to contribute to the Glory of the God’s Creation in other ways besides procreation. Self-interest is important for individual and social well-being, and it’s simply wrong to imply that people who don’t parent are “less human.” There are other ways to find meaning in life besides cranky, waddling money pits and disease vectors. Children are cute and full of personality but they are also disgusting. Worse, after the cute years they depreciate very quickly into overall disappointments who spend your hard-earned money on meme stocks.

And to put it more bluntly, Catholic clergy haven’t much of a leg to stand on when it comes to procreation. “Hanky-panky for thee, not for me.” Say what you will about Protestant clergymen, they at least put in the work (sperm).

Francis would be less of a hypocrite if he got around to changing the unsexy parts of Canon Law.  Such reforms are generally popular, and could mitigate our clerical shortages. We already know there are thousands of horny clergy out there. Wouldn’t it be nice to direct those energies toward consenting adults for a change?

Religionists Behaving Badly: Mid-Autumn Report

Credit: Fox Animation. Which is Disney now we guess.

Lot’s of bad behavior going on lately. Here’s just a snippet:

  1. Rightfully J’Accused – this scandal, covering hundreds of thousands of victims over a seventy year period, was kinda baked-in, but it’s only now that we are hearing the full extent thanks to an independent commision. Yes, it’s bad, and yes, it further adds to the miles-long list of malfeasance that the world’s biggest and oldest Christian community must reckon with. The only really good news is the the Church is starting to reckon with it (hence the commision) but Woke Pope has got his hands full.
  2. Dipshittery Down Under – Meanwhile in Protestantdom, Aussie God-powerhouse Hillsong has somehow managed cultivate every kind of major scandal, including the sexual kind. It had already lost the Beebz, but more recently it’s founder Brian Houston is being accused of covering up his own father’s sexual abuse. Pentecostal Frank Houston founded the Sydney Christian Life Center, a precursor of Hillsong.
  3. Burmese Python on the Loose – One tiny but terrible thing that we missed last month in Myanmar is that Wirathu, the batshit anti-Muslim Buddhist monk, has been released back into the wild to advocate for his uniquely genocidal form of non-violence. We can only guess this is due to his friendly relationship with the junta that overthrew the civilian government in February.

One good thing to leave you with: Don’t get too disheartened. There’s always this awesome Rabbi evacuating Afghans.