Begun, the Lunar New Year Wars Have

Well, we’ve come to the end of the Chinese Lunar New Year season, a time of heartwarming traditions. As a young girl I always looked forward to getting red packets, having dinner with dad’s family, getting red packets, having dinner with mom’s side, getting red packets, etc. It’s far less fun when you’re a married adult and have to do the cooking and giving money and such, but I became a nun to avoid all that. You’ve also got your fireworks, dragon dances, and – if you’re a Mainlander – CCTV’s regular New Year’s Eve Gala cum minstrel show

This year’s festivities were an especially welcome sign that this stupid pandemic is finally over nobody cares about covid anymore, with the Reds finally throwing in the towel. But we seem to have added a new tradition to LNY – online nationist bickering! Let’s see what happened when Disneyland tried to celebrate the occassion, shall we?:

Mercy me! Cultural appropriation indeed! Or maybe it’s unappropriation in this case? Anyway, how dare they use generic astronomical language to describe a date based on an astronomical event! Oh, but Disney wasn’t the worst offender, no no. The British Museum had the gall to call it Korean New Year. It doesn’t matter that it related specifically to a Korean-themed event. Call it by it’s proper name! And what is that proper name, you ask? Let ’em hear it, dear sir:

Oh…er…take that, then! It’s Spring Festival you sinophobes! Don’t like that the Chinese declare the start of spring when it’s still cold as the coldest Buddhist hell? Well, deal with it!

But in all seriousness, this is a very stupid controversy. I mean, the Dragon Boat thing is silly fun, but here we have a culture trying to lay claim to the lunar cycle. Yes, its true that the Chinese, developed the calendar and probably pioneered the whole festival thing – that’s the case for a lot of East Asian culture. But other countries and culures have put their own spin on it. We don’t call it “Greek” or “Roman Christmas,” do we?

I guess since the Chinese are still around (unlike ancient Rome) and can push their weight around (LOL Greece) that gives them more saying power. But the funny thing is that not even the CCP cares enough to wolf warrior this crap and call it “Chinese New Year”; the nitpicking is almost all completely online. 

That probably means we can ignore the whole thing as a limited movement of superpatriots and tankies, quite of few of whom may actually be bots. Still, it bears repeating: nationalism over festivals is stupid. 


Lunar 2021 Was a Bad Year for Chinese Statues

Unless you’ve been living under a rock for the past 20 years, you’re probably aware that China has a thing for building huge and/or tall things. The skyscrapers have gotten the most attention, but did you know there had also been a massive boom in statuary? The Buddha (in the myriad forms) is the most popular choice, in keeping with the country’s resiliant Buddhist heritage, though the trend has certainly pushed the boundaries of good taste/spending. But all of the usual Chinese suspects are represented: Kum Yam, Tin Hau/Mazu, Guan Yu, etc. And of course, you’ve got the old guard resurrecting Mao here and there

Many are built with the money and initiate of local and business leaders. Unfortunately, they don’t always get all their Peking Ducks in a row (please laugh); if the eyesores generate too much negative press, the State has to step in and rectify matters. I give you exhibit B:

Just FYI, “didn’t get government approval” usually means “it no longer has approval.” The latest deity to run afoul of regulations is Guan Di, aka Guan Yu, famed Chinese God of War and Dynasty Warriors main. You can find him pretty much everywhere in Greater China. He oversees most small businesses in Hong Kong, his fierce visage apparently a better guarantor of success and prosperity than even the God of Wealth. Heck, he is venerated by both law enforcement and criminals. He is super popualr, and the good folks of Jingzhou, Hubei just wanted to give him his due five years ago with this gloriousness: 

chinese warrior god Guan Yu
Photo: Handout, Source: SCMP

Tragically, it was too awesome for many to handle, so last fall they began the government-ordered multi-million dollar process of disassembling and relocating it.

Relocation project of the controversial giant bronze statue of Guan Gong (or Guan Yu) in Jingzhou, Central China's Hubei Province, has been launched in September 2021. Photo: VCG
Photo: VCG, Source: Global Times (unfortunately)

But Lord Guan is lucky to have somewhere else to go to. The fate of other Chinese statues in the Year of the Ox 2021 was much more ambiguous. A different sort of politics led to the dismantling of the “Pillar of Shame” in Hong Kong. It was a bit grisly for my delicate tastes, but it was nonetheless an important symbol of the freedoms the city once possessed:

Photo: Moi

Other symbols were taken down the very next day, and now sit in legal limbo in shipping containers somewhere. My beloved Hong Kong has born the brunt of the CCP’s wrath this past year, but other regions have suffered too. Mosques and cemetaries (and people) are disappearing in Xinjiang, and the authorities are allegedly dismantling Tibetan Buddhist statues in Sichuan as well

So it’s been a bad year for statuary and other forms 3D expression in the Chinese world. The stated reasons for demolition/removal vary – poor taste, cost, horizonal obstruction, etc. – but they all imply an increasing trend of ideological  control and micromanagement in the PRC. It’s truly sad, because a vibrant religious and political culture is being eroded, both literally and figuratively. If we cannot celebrate our deities with maximalist gusto, then we abdicate our precious soft power to Japanese gaming.

Happy Boatless Tuen Ng!

Once again, we are left bereft of our dragon boat races. It’s not a total wash; folks over in Tai O did their usual thing, towing their deities around the waterways. I did not get out there this time because that lovely little metallic Venice is inconveniently located and I am just as lazy as everyone else who works for this website.

But I think my “explainer” from last year was pretty good, so please click here to learn about this lovely tradition that everyone claims as their own.

Dragon-Boating Explained

Thursday, June 25th, is the fifth day of the fifth month of the Chinese lunar calendar, when much of East Asia celebrates the Dragon Boat Festival. Dragon-boating has become popular across much of the world, with competitions taking place year-round. Hong Kong alone has hundreds of teams, including collegiate squads, hobbyists and company-sponsored platoons. The biggest fish mongers or seafood restaurants tend to dominate, possibly thanks to their sly recruitment of steroidal Mainland jocks. Naturally the main event is on “Double 5th,” when every district in the city will normally host at least one waterfront competition. For obvious reasons this year’s races have been canceled, but some are still doing “virtual” races (however that is supposed to work).

Poor Confucian bastard.

Despite its commercialization and appropriation by white devils, Tuen Ng (Duanwujie for you Northerners) has Chinese religious roots. There are several competing origin stories based on semi-historical figures, but the most popular myth is about an unlucky poet and official of the ancient State of Chu (ca. a very long time ago) named Qu Yuan. Qu had the misfortune of being opposed to Qin, the ascendant power in pre-imperial China. He was banished from his post when Chu allied itself with Qin, but eventually Qin simply conquered Chu (and the rest of China by 221 BCE). Legend has it that a despairing Qu drowned himself in a river, but despite falling out of favor Qu was still loved and respected by many, and so the locals raced out in their boats to try and save him. Unfortunately they were too late, so instead they dropped balls of rice that the fish would eat instead of his body. Today’s races memorialize the desperate attempt to save Qu, and the balls of rice are said to be the origin of the famous Chinese rice dumplings called zongzi.

As with much of Chinese religious tradition, it’s likely that these legends have been superimposed onto earlier beliefs and practices. The fifth month of the year has always been a rather inauspicious time spiritually-speaking, and since ancient times certain rituals have been used to ward off bad luck and mischievous spirits. Tuen Ng is also possibly related to dragon worship, hence the boats’ dragon-headed bows and colorful livery. Buddhas excepting, in Chinese religion there is no more auspicious or powerful an animate force than a dragon.

However, the most interesting part of the festival’s history is actually quite recent, as we Chinese very nearly lost this part of our cultural heritage to our duplicitous Korean cousins! The controversy began when South Korea considered internationally registering the holiday as part of their cultural heritage in the mid-aughts. Now it is certainly true that the festival has been a cherished part of Korean culture since it spread from China centuries ago. However, the problem was that much of the Chinese-speaking world had forgotten about it; the PRC – our esteemed representative on the world stage – had basically ignored the tradition. About to be preempted, the Party panicked and rushed to revive the holiday so that China, not Korea or (worse) CHINESE TAIPEI, could claim the festival with UNESCO. We mustn’t blame the Koreans for our own neglect, but they could certainly be less annoying about it. The controversy even led to one of the first great online inter-Asian conflicts with  “Zongzi Gate,” when a Korean social media hussy had the gall to educate us on the rules of consuming glutinous rice. No way in dei juk could we let that slide. 

Pictured: A hussy (Credited to

Wash Your Buddha Thoroughly!

Credit: Hong Kong Traveler, but you know they just swiped it from somewhere else.

Happy Birthday Blessed One! On this date (in the Chinese lunar reckoning) about two and a half-thousand years ago, li’l baby Sakyamuni was born. For those of us in Hong Kong, today has an extra special meaning, as the Buddha’s Birthday was the first real “Chinese” holiday made public following the Handover. Many of us are certainly nostalgic for those strapping British minders, but we have to chide them for never much caring about for our little traditions. Of course, this being Hong Kong, we had to give up one holiday for another. We working women would have been quite happy having a day off for both the Buddha’s and the Queen Mum’s birthdays, but the lou baan wouldn’t have liked that, no sirs!

Besides the usual prayers and incense, we like to bathe the Thus Come One on this day. Some of us will go to temples to help the monk lads pour sacred water over a statue of infant Siddhartha. This is to remember how he came out sideways from his dear mother’s womb not just walking and talking, but giving us the good Dharma to boot! Then he was washed by the sacred waters of the gods (or dragons, as some of us like to think).

While normally a temple soiree, I frankly see no reason to go out (especially these days) if you already have an statue of Mr. Fat gracing your shelf, mantel, dedicated altar space. While it may not be the wee little Prince, there is something undoubtedly meritorious about washing an Amitabha, Guanyin, or even your little laughing Maitreya. Frankly I think it’s a good idea to wash these pint-sized ascetics on other auspicious days too. Can’t be too careful with all the novel viruses going around!

But don’t just pour water over the little guy’s head. Use a cloth and take care to get every nook and cranny! Dirt, grime, and grease has a habit of building up where the nappies can’t reach. For most materials, I’d recommend using a high-quality chamois and water mixed with a teensy bit of dish soap. Bleach has its uses but we really don’t recommend it in this case.